i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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