Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize