I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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