Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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