Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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