I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Randomize
