my soul wont recognize me after tonight
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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