Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
