Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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