sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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