Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
