Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
