can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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