just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
