i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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