I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
