Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
