i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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