The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
