i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize