you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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