Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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