When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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