i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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