god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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