I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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