we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
