so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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