note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
