Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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