Tell her she can't have a vagina
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
operation have a gay friend backfired
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
