i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
