apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
