it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize