he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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