I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
