Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just had sex on a roof
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
