i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
