Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(631): View more from New York

Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it

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(303): View more from Colorado

you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.

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(765): View more from Indiana

You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged

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(440): View more from Ohio

woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister

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(218): View more from Minnesota

He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie

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(217): View more from Illinois

There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?

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