I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
