I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Damn victory sex feels great
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
