So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
