just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
