That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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