i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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