You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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