Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
