So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
