Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
