can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
