Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
