i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
MIDGETS
????
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I believe in your delicious
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize