I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
