we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize