So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
