He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
