just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
