I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Boobs are out for the taking
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize