gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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