At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
