i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
