Can i not drive my cunt home
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
