Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
