Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
